Dommes and Dommes and Dommes and Dommes and Dommes – The Psychology of Two Power Houses Colliding

Psychology and BDSM go together like two peas in a pod. Much of what goes on in our minds has a deep, intimate connection with what goes on with our physical selves and because of this, it has and always has had a strong and important connection with BDSM as a practice.

As a Pro-Domme, I felt that this should be a main focus of mine, along with learning how to use a flogger and a whip properly, I wanted to learn the inner workings of the mind and find out what really made someone “tick”, what made them have specific kinks and fetishes, but not others.

I wanted to truly get to know my submissives, and thus, like I talked about in previous writings, is why I do my pre-session “chats” and my in depth aftercare.

Now, what about turning the tables and looking at how Dommes interact with one another? This is something I am more recently discovering is a very, very complex and severely complicated relationship to try and both have and keep. Nevermind if you just happen to be mostly going about your own business and others begin to interact with you.

I have male Doms as friends and those relationships usually work out well because the dynamics between a male and female friendship are completely different and less complex. Also, I find that nine times out of ten, I tend to enjoy male friendships much more as they tend to be low maintenance, where as female friendships take a lot of work.

Well, to first look at this complex relationship, we need to look at these “Dommes” simply as what they are.

Women.

And women begin as girls. And girls start off being raised by their parents and those are the people that are going to influence them the most. I was a Daddy’s girl and spent most of my time with my Father, so I turned out probably slightly more like him seeing as I was living with him most of the time after my parents divorced, but most little girls are going to gain most of their influence at their earliest age by their Mother.

So, to put it in short terms, most of the time, if you meet a tender, caring, nice girl, chances are, that is how their mother was. If you meet a girl who is rude, nasty, unkind and a bully, chances are, that is probably what you’re going to get from the Mother. (Or both the parents, or the Father, basically, whichever parent the child was closest to, or both, but usually the parent of the same sex)

So first – Some advice and some nonsense –

So, now, the women grow up, they become a Domme, there is a small community, sometimes a lot of competition, sometimes a little, but the problem is, (and this is the FIRST problem) is that they see other women, other Dommes as competition and NOT as possible friends, possible people they could work together with, possible partners in crime! (Like hell yeah, Domme Fest 2020!) Would we not be stronger as a Tribe?

The next issue I see is women constantly fighting to be “top dog” for this award or that award or that magazine cover or this internet video magazine special YouTube thing! Seriously, there are 500 of those!!! You will win the next one!

Next – self confidence is low low low. Like, so low that everyone is getting plastic surgery…EVERYWHERE. And you know what, that’s totally fine, but do it for YOU, not for men, not for magazine covers and not for everyone else, for YOU. Make YOU happy first and foremost!

Dommes have become incredibly sensitive. Long gone are the days where you could call one a “snivelling evil bitch” and they would laugh in your face, throw back their head and eat it up. You say anything, even something they say about themselves and all hell breaks loose. (trust me, I know…). Listen ladies…if you are going to be in the spotlight, not everyone is going to like you. People are going to call you names, say things about you, lie about you, etc. You need to get over it and move on with your life.

Now, some psychology and some intimate details and what I have learned thus far on Dommes interacting with other Dommes in the year since I have come out of retirement.

Status Symbols – Bullying – Shame

There is certainly a “clique” in the BDSM Community that I did not have to deal with last time I was around, being under the radar and not involved with much, I kept to myself, but this time around I got involved in everything and with everyone. I was excited and I needed it. I had come out to everyone in my family after years of hiding and when I did, I was pretty much disowned by 90% of them, including some of my best friends, so I was more than excited to come back to a community I believed to be loving, accepting, genuine and truly good.

And for quite some time, things went well. I made many friends, learned who some of the fake ones were and stayed away from them, did my best to stay away from the drama, started to go to play parties, clubs, held my own first play party, started a munch, I felt for the first time in years like I was me again and like I was truly accepted. I cried several times because I was so happy, as prior to this I had been through absolute hell.

I was diagnosed with a chronic, incurable disease, which just happens to be nicknamed “The Suicide Disease” and is the most painful disease known to medical science. I had, had eight surgeries in a little over two years, 4 of those were major surgeries, countless procedures, hospital stays, I mean, I may as well have lived either in the hospital or in bed I was so bad until I finally got diagnosed and got the correct treatment.

I lost my job, my family was near financial ruin, I missed out on almost two years of my sons life (his first two years) and after what it took to have him it destroyed me being away from him, I was in level 8-10 pain every day and on the verge of suicide, the only thing keeping me on this planet was my son and family.

Basically, my life was hell for 3 years. So being able to live again and be myself was incredible, but recently, I made a mistake on Twitter, one I deeply regret and I am still not sure why I even wrote it. I think at the time I was joking, being my sarcastic self. I am a “Masshole” and I have a horrible sense of humor, even when it comes to myself I am terrible with joking around. But it sounds like I am making excuses and that is not the case.

Anyhow, it ended up resulting in three days of a very popular model/domme and her followers which consisted of other Pro-Dommes and Submissives attacking me, bullying and harassing me. I received death threats, I was told to kill myself, my son was threatened, my looks were criticized, my intelligence was made fun of, pretty much everything and anything you can think of was used against me, including personal information like my name and location, which yes, was on my Twitter, but was brought to the attention of over 70,000 people and then ReTweeted countless times to others, so I am not sure how many people saw it.

Now – with bullying, the bully is usually unaware that they are doing the bullying, but this situation is a bit different.

Instead of doing the bullying and getting her hands dirty, the main person in question used her status and her followers, sending them to do the dirty work, similar to when the Wicked Witch releases her Flying Monkeys in the Wizard of Oz.

The actual bullies in the situation were the “flying monkeys”, not the main person, she was actually more antisocial throughout the entire thing, just retweeting others comments, twisting variations of what was said and I noticed she was lacking empathy, was very bold with what she did and said (as if Twitter rules did not apply to her) and was also very, very egotistical. These traits have a personality disorder, but I won’t dare write it, God knows I will start another war.

Now, when someone uses their social status to go after someone smaller than them, intentionally trying to ruin them, grinding them into the dirt and then immediately moves onto the next person, it’s like, if say, a ten year old hit a teenager and the teenager beat the ever living shit out of them and then left them for dead and moved on to the next child. A ten year old knows better than to hit, but the teenager is still bigger and stronger and knows that it’s better to walk away than to bludgeon the kid to death and they are far from on even skill levels.

Then, you have the minds of all the bystanders – what is going on in their heads…

Do they know this is wrong? Do they know this has gone too far??? They watch their “friend” get ruined and beaten down and they do nothing about it…

Answer: Yes, of course in their right minds they know it is wrong, they know it has gone too far, they know their friend is suffering and they would not switch places with them for anything in the world, BUT they have an image to uphold or they do not want to become part of it or get attacked or be the next victim of the attacker.

Now, the simple bullies (flying monkeys)

They stick with the organizer because he/she makes them feel important, like they’re apart of something special. They usually have high anxiety and with these women you can usually refer to the social learning theory about how they grew up and what exactly they grew up with. Most likely you will find some trauma in their lives.

They also like to feel power over someone, like they get to rule over someone else. (They say they are into Femdom, but this is often not true when women like and enjoy attacking other women like this, they are just bullies and keyboard warriors at that)

Most often they feel inadequate and defensive, seeing a simple comment like I made sets them off so severely because they project their anger and distaste in themselves onto the target (in this case) me, and in doing so they are able to release all of that anger and rage at me, even if the exact cause is not me. (maybe whoever abused, traumatized them or made them feel inadequate in the first place) Sometimes the rage can be so deep seeded they are not even sure where it came from.

Last, but not least, social power and attention. Oh boy oh boy do they live for it. And unfortunately, they were fighting against one another for attention that night, who could be the rudest, crudest, most awful to me and make her the most proud in order to get a Retweet on her page of 70,000 viewers by saying the most horrible thing to me. So as the insults poured in, it was like a pie eating contest and there was cherry pie everywhere, red like blood as the girls slurped every bit of it up off their slimy fingers. No one cared about what it did to me, my psyche or that I was home with a sick kid trying to keep my cool and remind myself that I was a good person and I had just made a small mistake, and one that I will seem to pay the consequences for, for a long time.

Cause now, once again…

I have lost my “friends” or those I thought were my friends. Those friends that stood idly by and watched me get torn to shreds without batting an eyelash. Those friends who write one thing on their Twitter, but say another behind peoples backs. Those friends that are only out for themselves. Those friends that think I will not remember this. Those friends that think I am not planning something.

Cheers Bitches.
XOXO
Scarlett

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