Collared Subs – What Does it mean to be collared?
Being a collared sub can mean many different things to many different people. It mainly depends on the submissive and the dominant. Different collars can also mean different things. There are training collars, day collars, official collars, etc. Each one has a specific meaning between the dominant and the submissive that pertains to their D/s relationship. Some subs just wear collars to represent that they’re submissive and the collar has no tie to a dominant at all. Usually, if this is the case, it’s good to ask a submissive what their collar means, just so you’re in the know, especially if you’re another Dominant, you don’t want to be stepping on anyone’s toes.
Now how does one become “collared” by a Dominant? There is no specific protocol for this and really, it’s determined by what the Domme/Dom wants to do and how they want to go about doing it.
Usually, a collar is earned, not just freely given. Often times it takes months or even years to get to this point in a D/s relationship. Collaring is often thought of as a bond just as sacred, if not more sacred than marriage! I mean, would you rush into marriage after just a few months? I sure the hell would not. This is why collaring is such a deeply personal things that takes time.
When you get that collar placed around your neck, it should be looked at with honor and respect, as it means quite a bit to both the Dominant and the Submissive. It’s not just some junk piece of jewelry, it has a representation for both parties.
Now, how is a collar earned you might ask? To put it in general terms, it’s mostly earned by obeying your dominant, being loyal to your dominant, being fully trained by your dominant and then taking that next step in your D/s relationship. That, is that in a nutshell, though there is a whole lot more to that.
Sometimes a collaring can be a private ceremony between just the Dominant and the Submissive, sometimes they make it into an extravagant get together (kind of like a wedding) and sometimes they have their own way of doing things, it’s really up to what you want to do and what feels right to you. I, personally enjoy having it just be myself and my submissive when I collar them, then I like to play with them for a little while after and it feels special to me because even though I knew they were mine beforehand, this signifies that know they are mine and my collar is around their neck. No, I do not view them as a piece of property, it goes way beyond that. They are mine heart, body and soul and in many ways, I am theirs as well. It’s an equal exchange. They are my submissive and I am there Mistress. It’s as simple (but not) as that.
One of the most important things to remember at the end of the day, is that, that collar symbolizes your love, loyalty and devotion to your Mistress or Master and that is what is truly important.
Now I am going to tell you a bit about one of my beloved collared subs and our story.
My Meg
Meg and I met when she applied to do a session with me almost two years ago now. I knew at once we had a special connection because our first phone call we spent nearly 4 hours chatting on the phone about pretty much our entire lives! (haha) And by the time she came to see me I was absolutely psyched and ready for this session. We spent our hour chatting (which ran over) and then had our session (where sparks flew gloriously) (and also ran over) and then aftercare time (which also ran over. I think she was supposed to be there for two hours and ended up being there for five hours or something like that. I knew right then and there there was something amazing and special about this woman, there was an instant bond.
We talked a lot after that, she came back for more sessions and each time we grew closer and closer.
I learned that she was a Sergeant in the Army, had done several tours in the war, had been stationed at Fort Drum, was Military Intelligence and had the most incredible stories you could imagine. Stories I will take to my grave of course and some she could never even tell me that were that top secret!
Meg was from Hawaii, had a ton of brothers and sisters, a large extended family, tons of drama, good and bad, she was a writer (an amazing writer), she loved her dogs like they were her kids, she was close with her brother (who built my attic actually!) even though she wanted to kill him sometimes, she chain smoked in her car while she talked with me on the phone and boy would we giggle up a storm, we were like two teenagers, she made me feel so alive again.
I know almost instantly that I would collar this girl eventually.
Now, Megs mother is pretty ill and Meg helps take care of her so she can’t always be at my beck and call, but you know what? That is not what I always look for in a collared sub, there are many other qualities I seek out, such as loyalty, intelligence, humor, ability to love, empathy and care for others. And seeing this human being sacrifice so much of herself to help her mother out touched me.
I know often she would apologize to me, saying “Sorry Mistress, I can’t this weekend, I can’t leave Mom alone,” and I knew it gutted her and made her feel so horrible and inside I always felt bad that she had to live like that, especially because things between herself and her mother were complicated. I wished the best for her, wished I could give her the world. I still wish I could.
I saw her less and less, sometimes months would go by and it saddened me, but I felt no less close to her, we would talk on the phone and then one night I told her, “I want to collar you,” and I swear I made her the happiest person alive that night, because regardless that she could not be at my beck and call or there every weekend. I knew she was special to me and I needed her in my life for a very long time. I was not willing to give her up to anyone else or for anything.
I ordered a beautiful blue collar with Celtic designs and a silver O-ring, the next time I saw her, I had her naked and kneeling in front of me as I placed it on her. I rubbed her head some and told her. “This binds you to me, forever and always, should you choose to take it off it will be your choice, but this, to me, is forever.” and then I kissed the top of her head and we started to scene. It was a beautiful moment, one I will never forget. I think she kissed my hands too.
From that day forward she has always been, “My Megs” and she means the world to me, I don’t know what I would do without her. The love I have for her goes so deep. A mixture between a best friend, a submissive, a non-sexual life partner, basically everything you can feel for one person I feel for her. She has always been with me and I believe she always will be. I think that collar is for life.
So you see, collars are very special and how they come about can be in a thousand different ways, but you always know when it’s right. Don’t throw them around like promise rings, make sure when you put a collar on someone, you mean to stay with that person for life, make sure you love them unconditionally.
The best part of it is not how pretty it looks or the symbolization of Mistress and Sub, it’s the love and loyalty that’s wrapped up in it.
