Healing from Sexual Trauma through bdsm and seeing a pro-domme
From day one I knew that being a Pro-Domme was going to be a different type of job, but what I never expected was just how different it would be. What I never expected was how many people I would end up helping through their abuse and trauma. I never expected that these people who came to me for kinky fun would also come to me because they were so broken inside and they needed help and I, was their last and final resort because they were running out of options. They had tried every therapy in the book and every experimental therapy out there, some having spent thousands of dollars to look into a mirror and talk to themselves while a psychiatrist guided them in the background, (Nope, not kidding)
So when they found themselves on my doorstep at first, I didn’t know what to really do. I tried to be empathetic, but told them they should seek help from a professional, cause who was I to give them any form of treatment? But as the years went by, I swore to myself that I would find a way to begin to help those who needed my help in an area that didn’t pertain to spanking or nipple torture.
On my own I began to study rigorously about trauma, especially childhood trauma, both sexual and non. I then began working alongside a psychiatrist who was one of the best in the state, he taught me many therapeutic techniques, like cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, a little about EMDR, and different types of trauma therapies that could be useful in my position as a Dominatrix because he understood that not everyone goes to see a Pro-Domme just for shits and giggles, some go because there is a deep seeded pain in there that they are struggling to get out that has been trapped deep down inside of them for years and years. It wants to come out, but it’s just….stuck.
I remember having a client who just liked me to dress up like I was from the 70s, the heels and all, drink whiskey, smoke cigarettes and talk to him. That’s literally it. The guys background – his mother ignored him when he was little, she drank whiskey, smoked cigarettes and would plop him on the floor with some toys and literally ignore him. She would feed, cloth and change him, but that was it, she never spoke to him, played with him, nothing. So all this guy wanted was for a woman who looked, smelled and acted like his mother to pay attention to him. He came once a month and said his depression was better by coming to see me than it had ever been taking any pill or going to any regular therapist. I understood, but didn’t really understand until much later.
So, over my beginning years and throughout the years while I was on a break from being a Domme, I studied. A LOT. It had pulled me in and fascinated me and I wanted to know more and more, so by the time I went back to being a Pro-Domme I was armed and ready to help people more as a sort of kink therapist. I even started to work on my Bachelor’s for Psychology because it was that important to me. Everyone would say, “Oh, once you have that you won’t have to be a Domme anymore,” and I would say to them, “No, you don’t understand, I am getting this to compliment my skills as a Pro-Domme, of course I am still going to be a Domme!” and they would just roll their eyes. No one quite understands why my job is so important to me, they think I just literally stand around hitting and abusing people all day. How wrong they are.
This entire thing is what lead to me giving people that extra hour at the start of my sessions. This hour works as a meet and greet the first session, but this hour is available to my clients before every single session and costs nothing extra. Many use it as a “therapy hour” where they talk about their past and what has happened to them or they discuss what is going on in their present life, we then take that information and apply it to their sessions in a therapeutic way that is negotiated rigorously before hand.
I had a client who’d been sexually molested by his grandfather for years from the age of four onward up until he was around 8 years old. He had me recreate scenes from his childhood, accept now he was in charge and in control and one word could stop it all. After we would discuss the reasoning why his childhood sexual abuse had become a kink, his shame around it and why he felt like he could not tell those closest to him, not even his wife. This client is still with me, but much has changed. He was able to communicate with his wife about his kinks and desires and why, and was finally able to tell her about the trauma he had endured as a child. he expressed that, without me he never could have gotten this far or healed as much as he had to the point where he could talk about it without bursting into tears or feeling ashamed anymore. He had grown to own his trauma and own his kinks and desires, accepting that this was the reality of the situation and this was how his brain had dealt with his trauma, was to turn it into a fetish. And most importantly, that there was nothing wrong with any of it. This was something years and years of normal therapy and several drugs could never accomplish.
And he is not alone, there are many clients just like him with similar stories and backgrounds who have come to me with shame in their hearts and feelings of wanting to hurt themselves or wanting to go after the ones who wronged them. Through BDSM therapy, we have resolved (maybe not entirely), but made great progress in those areas where they have felt inadequate, lonely, suicidal, different, shameful, etc. Now they feel much more confident and more like a normal human being with normal needs and normal feelings. They know that their brain, as complicated as it is, did some things in order to protect itself, transforming trauma into kink, but whilst leaving the trauma there as well. This is not something to be taken lightly and not something that fixes itself in a day. I’ve worked for months and sometimes years with these people to help them overcome their anxiety, their depression, their OCD, ADHD or whatever else has been implemented because of the trauma.
Not only have I healed people with childhood and adult trauma, I’ve healed people with addictions too.
There was a woman once who had been drinking for 20+ years that I managed to get clean, she quit alcohol cold turkey and never looked back. I’ve gotten people off of porn and masturbating when it was an obsession. I’ve gotten people off of drugs, and all manner of addictions through BDSM therapy. Something normal therapy just couldn’t do. Now in no way am I dissing normal and traditional therapy, hell I practice many traditional therapy practices myself, but in a different light and through bdsm as well, but when all else fails, I am stating the sheer power that BDSM has psychologically over a person.
I have been working with a man for some time now that had an issue when he was a young man. He had his pants pulled down around his ankles at a family gathering in front of his whole family, including friends as well, and instead of someone doing anything about it, they all laughed at him, giving him lifelong issues and lifelong kinks as well.
We have had ongoing communication about what exactly he should or should not do about this situation and how best to handle it, separating his kinks from his trauma in order to live a better life and not be so anxious about everything. I won’t share too much of his story as we are in ongoing talks at the moment, but the mixture of regular therapy and some on the bdsm side has really helped him and speaking to me and seeing me has both shown him what he wants and what he doesn’t want. He is slowly figuring things out, but the bdsm aspect is vital to his treatment.
He is the one that really showed me that, hey, I am glad for what happened to me because it made me the person I am today, which is what I try and tell all of my clients now, that they would not be the person they are today if that did not happen to them and to try and see all the good in the world that they can possibly see and to never, ever be ashamed of what happened to them and what came out of it.
It is all of these reasons I try and show and train my mentees on the psychological side of BDSM, I want there to be more to it than just fun and play. When I think of how many people I have helped, it boggles my mind and makes me feel good and as a lifelong sadist who never thought she would do anything good for anyone in this world, it gives me hope that I am something more than I thought I would ever be.
I want my girls to see themselves that way too, as way more than a regular Domme, but as someone who helps people, so they can be proud of themselves and what they do.
When I came out as a Pro-Domme, I lost a lot of family and friends who made horrible assumptions about me, if they only knew the amount of people I have helped. If they only knew that I do more than they do for humanity in one hour than they have done in their whole entire life.
Well, maybe people would start looking at Dommes differently and stop judging, maybe one day insurance would cover going to see a Domme for therapy, because I have seen with my own eyes the amount of good it does to people, the amount of strength it gives them, and everyone deserves that.
XOXO
Mistress Scarlett
